


Gross, He's So Gorgeous

by kittensmctavish



Category: Castle
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bob's Burgers quotes, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Humor, M/M, Open Marriage, Open Relationships, Polyamory, so much ooc, what is this I don't even
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 13:59:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9748007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittensmctavish/pseuds/kittensmctavish
Summary: I just wanna slap his hideous, beautiful face.(Or: Jenny likes Bob's Burgers.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> JUST IN TIME FOR VALENTIMES. An awful, OOC sort-of Rysposito fic. 
> 
> (Sort of because I can't kill Jenny off. Or divorce her from Kevin. So polyamory/OT3  
> FTW!)
> 
> I also hate the ending. And this fic is so stupid. But I wanted an excuse to quote the crap out of Bob's Burgers.

Jenny likes "Bob's Burgers".

Kevin is made aware of this fact - and the show's existence, in general - one night when he comes home to Jenny making dinner. She's singing to herself as she cooks. Not uncommon. Actually really adorable/endearing/other such adjectives.

It's when he hears the word "autopsy" twice in the midst of the jaunty tune she's singing that is less common. And what makes his head pop up so he can go "Wait, what the hell?"

She then explains the lyric is "They'll say 'Aw, Topsy' at my autopsy". This does not clear things up for him. 

Kevin is then made aware of what exactly "Bob's Burgers" is. Basic summary of the show's premise, who the characters are, and so on and so forth. Dinner is over when she finishes with a blush and an embarrassed "Sorry...". Not that Kevin has minded; watching her this excited over a TV show is something brand new from her (and something he expects more from Castle than anyone). 

But then there's an episode on when they've finished washing up the dishes and...true, Kevin is watching Jenny laughing over the show more than watching the show itself, but he sort of gets the appeal. There are food puns, after all, and anything with food puns can't be a bad thing. 

He and Jenny marathon a good deal of the show when he finally has a few days off after a particularly grueling case. And it's then that he fully gets the appeal. The smug look on Jenny's face when he admits as much is equally endearing and infuriating. 

It becomes a thing between them through the following day. Jenny working a quote into casual conversation and trying to get Kevin to laugh. 

In the morning when Jenny's getting Sarah Grace into her car seat, Kevin can hear her singing "Buckle it up...buckle it up...buckle it up or you die!"

Jenny cooing over Sarah Grace before she and Kevin have to attend some fancy social to-do. Reassuring her that "Mommy doesn't get drunk, she just has fun." (Kevin looks a cross between aghast and amused.)

At said fancy social to-do, when she notices the hors d'oeuvres trays and whispers to Kevin "Ooh, mini-croissants! No matter what I say, stop me when I've had sixteen." (Kevin laughs into his wife's neck, begging her to cut it out before they get in trouble.)

Later that same night, when someone asks Kevin what he does, and he says he's a policeman, Jenny casually drapes an arm around his waist and says he's a lawful man. Kevin has to bite the inside of his cheek because he can hear the rest of the quote in his head: "Waffle man." "Falafel man." "Omelettes. ...am I doing it right?"

That night when they're driving home and singing all the snippets of songs from the show they can remember, and Jenny regrets that the show hadn't been released earlier. Then "Coal Mine" could've been their wedding song. Kevin laughs, but sort of hopes she's joking. 

The casual quotes-fest continues the next day. And the day after that. And the week after that.

It's not as fervent or obsessive as after they first discovered the show. But it's their inside joke now. And Kevin enjoys the joke. 

***

A week later, they're at The Old Haunt with with rest of the 12th Precinct crew. Some of the tables have been cleared as a makeshift dance floor (on a Castle-y whim). Some patrons are taking advantage of that space. Especially the high-on-whims Castle, who was doing his shiniest moves to get Beckett to join him on the dance floor. Much to the amusement of Beckett, Ryan, Jenny, Esposito, and Lanie. 

"You may need to indulge him, honey," Lanie laughs as Castle does his best John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever impressions. 

"Enh...in another five minutes, maybe," Beckett muses as she sips her drink and tries not to roll her eyes at Castle's antics. "You're welcome to, though."

"Not likely," Lanie says. Then there's a pained sound from Castle, and the group looks to see him stuck in the middle of the floor in half an attempt to do the splits. 

"Um...guys?" he says with all the dignity he can muster (which isn't a lot, at this point). "Little help, please?"

"...yeah, okay, I am the one with the medical expertise." Lanie downs the rest of her drink and walks out to the floor to help the writer. 

"I should go out there, too," Beckett sighs. "He probably broke his..."

"Balls?" Esposito suggests. 

"I was gonna say 'ego' but that works too," Beckett says with a slight laugh before she leaves the remaining trio. Castle is almost up by this point, and the approach of Beckett seems to be enough to revive him fully, and he reaches out for her hand to pull her into a dancing position. He's still wincing, but he's trying so hard not to. Beckett pretends not to notice. 

"You gonna go ask Lanie to dance?" Jenny asks Esposito, who just shrugs. She then turns to Ryan. "How about you? 'Are you drunk enough to be any fun yet?'"

Ryan coughs over a sip of Guinness, laughing as Jenny bats her eyes innocently at him. 

"Yeah, I guess," he finishes the quote. He's still laughing. A laugh that Jenny joins in on. And that Esposito watches with confusion. 

"So...is that a yes in married-people-speak?" Esposito asks. 

"No, no, we're both just...you know...drunk," Ryan handwaves. "Well...Jenny doesn't get drunk, she just has fun."

It's Jenny's turn to nearly spittake, and her head thuds on to the bar as she laughs hard. Ryan can hear this, but he's busy staring at Esposito, trying hard not to smile or laugh at the antics. (Given that Esposito is looking at Jenny over Ryan's shoulder and watching her with incredulity and slight worry, this is a nearly impossible feat.)

"This is such a snore-gasm," Jenny says from her position. Ryan's gaze breaks away from Esposito's as he dissolves into the same helpless giggles his wife is in. 

"Y'all two need Jesus," Esposito finally says, taking a long swig from his beer. 

"Oh, come on, Javi," Kevin says, reaching over to pat his friend's shoulder. "You know you love us."

"Yeah, don't have a crap attack," Jenny says, peeking from over Kevin's shoulder, just barely holding the giggles back. 

"Oh god." Kevin is leaning on Javi now, arms folded on the others man shoulder as he lays his head on them. Jenny is leaning on the back of his shoulder, her own laughs muffled by his shirt. 

"Okay, I'm gonna go dance with Lanie now," Javi announces as he gently maneuvers Kevin so he's leaning on the bar and not him. "I stand by my earlier statement of y'all two needing Jesus."

"Aw, Javiiiiiiiii," Kevin whines as his partner walks away. "Don't be a boob punch!"

"Oh god!" Jenny is nearly crying by now, she's laughing so hard. "My stomach!"

Javi glances back at the two. He rolls his eyes and walks again towards Lanie. But Kevin can tell that Javi is smiling. 

Kevin's eyes don't leave Javi right away. He's always sort of liked watching Javi walk away. Something about the way he walked...the sway of his hips...and if he was wearing jeans, hot damn....

"Just when I think I'm out, those cheeks pull me right back in."

He jumps at the tickle of Jenny's breath on his neck as she whispers the quote into his ear. 

"Shit!" That comes half from the surprise, half from nearly spilling the rest of his Guinness over the bar, his wife, and his suit. 

"Sorry," Jenny says, reaching for napkins to help mop up the mess. 

"No, no, it's okay--well, the beer spillage, that's okay, the...um..."

"The part where my husband was absolutely checking out his partner's admittedly fine ass as he walked away, an occurrence I KNOW has happened many times?" Jenny says. 

All Kevin can do for a bit is gape at his wife. 

Much like the "autopsy" line from "Electric Love", this was not something he ever expected to come out of his wife's mouth.

"Aren't you supposed to be...like...mad or something for..."

"Why?" Jenny shrugs. She's less casual about it as she leans in to talk to him. Closer. More quiet. More sincere. "He's a good man. A really good man. Like...he's the best partner I could've ever hoped for my brave cop husband, he adores Sarah Grace, and sometimes, when you're so caught up in Madden you zone everything out, I see him giving you this look..."

"A look?"

"Like he's the luckiest goddamn human being in the world."

"How do you know it's that kind of look?" Kevin asks. 

"Because it's the look you gave me when I said yes. When I walked down the aisle at our wedding." Jenny reaches for his hand. "And sometimes, you give him that same look when he's not looking."

Jenny squeezes Kevin's hand.

Kevin looks over to where Lanie and Javi are dancing. Javi seems to somehow sense other eyes on him because he looks up. He sees Kevin. He smiles. 

Kevin feels that same squeeze around his heart. He looks back at Jenny. She smiles. 

"How did you know...?"

"Because i am a smart, strong, sensual woman."

It's a Bob's Burgers quote, yes. But it's also true. She is all of those things and more and Kevin is so lucky she chose to marry him. He leans over and kisses her. She makes a small surprised sound, but reaches up to hold his face as she smiles into the kiss. 

"What was that for?" she asks when he pulls away. 

"For being so smart and strong and sensual," Kevin says, utterly seriously. Jenny shrugs with an air of humility. 

"I'm no hero. I put my bra on one boob at a time like everyone else."

"Oh god, are we seriously still quoting this show while discussing possibly letting my partner become OUR partner, so to speak?"

"That we are, my love," Jenny says, kissing his cheek. 

"And we're going to keep quoting the show when we DO ask him."

"Are we?"

"Yep. Gonna ask him if he wants to put the 'try' in 'triangle'."

"Oh my god..." Kevin sighs and puts a hand over his eyes. 

"Tell him we can make this work. That we'll come up with a makeout wheel. Kinda like a chore wheel."

"JENNY."

"Then...you're gonna grab Javi's butt..." At this, Jenny grabs Kevin's shoulder and gestures with her hand, as though showing Kevin a grandiose sight. "...and change the world."

"Really, Jenny?"

"Oh yeah. Everyone will touch each other's butts, and it'll be great."

"You've really thought this through, haven't you?"

"Not really, I'm just on a roll with quotes."

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback welcome and appreciated.


End file.
